A diary

09/08/14 7:23 pm

There’s a boy in my english class. Let me tell you, dear lord have mercy. Funny, poetic, hella cute? Wow. It’s all happening again. I shall not let my feelings take over my actions (something we learned in english) Yeah, its nothing. I will just appreciate beauty without obtaining. It’s not all about possessions is it? But dear lord, if having him will make me selfish then let it be. I’ll be the most selfish person in the world for wanting the extremely cute guy.

This time is different. I sat next to him and I did not feel nervous. Well, I sorta did but I didn’t have the whole heart attack babum-babum thing going on. He is so good looking. I have no feelings but let me just say wow. You have been blessed by thousands of angel tears. Jesus himself perfected you inch by inch. Sculpting that body, making it so perfect. Dear lord

8/18/1/4 3:47 pm

First day of school today. So much things were changed. First, now we’re allowed to use non-mesh bags and the whole odd and even numbers schedule thing. Instead of having 123 and 456 days, we have 135 and 246; odd and even. 

The day was alright apart from it being extremely hot. The sun wanted to go the extra mile today and make us really feel the struggle of the school year starting. There were also new freshmen, one dude told me I got his back while waiting for the bus. One I just simply said ‘hi’ to. She was cool. It was kinda funny when the dude was complaining about Seniors kicking them out of the bench. I mean, I feel sorry and all, but at the same time; it is what it is. The tradition and all.

Okay, honestly I didn’t think I’d see the guy from last year. We’ll call him in the code name of M&M. I thought he would transferred to Central High, but he didn’t. Shocked, was what I was when I went to drop off my class change form. He never hangs out there and yet, there he is! He was wearing black, which is something he never does. Usually he wears the gray uniform. Not that I’m being stalkerish and all, everyone already knows and notices. He got a little chubby. I didn’t see his face, something about making eye contact scares the shit out of me. He has pretty eyes with pretty eyelashes. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. So like what I usually do, I ducked my head down. All I remember from that fast moment is that I thought he was cute. Yeah, cute.

8/12/14 5:00 pm

I think its all happening again. The yelling, everything. I don’t know what to write. My heart feels as heavy as the tears in my eyes. It won’t stop flowing, it won’t stop. Oh god. 

Her having an abusive mother is pinned and blamed on me and I don’t know. She’s trying so hard not to hurt me, I know it, but she still does. She says she didn’t fight back her mother because she respected her and I do too, but I don’t understand why she can’t respect me too, It hurts seeing the bruises. It hurts knowing no one will listen to you. They’ll shut you out and hurt you before you could open your mouth. It hurts so much. 

As i try to block the tears flowing from my eyes soaking my shirt, here I am typing as if it could make a difference. I am so hurt.

8/9/14 5:21 p.m.

I’ve decided to make a public diary. The one I had before still felt like I was bottling up my emotions, because I put a password in order to view it. I feel better when I talk about myself. Its a selfish thing, but it makes me happier. I let the things out and somehow its better.